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Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
I have felt rejected by my T before, and she absolutely helped me through it by talking about what happened and how I felt (without changing the thing that made me feel rejected in the first place). Talking it through is the only way I could have stayed in therapy with her. And it's literally her job to talk about my feelings. All of my feelings, including the ones I have about her.
I will say that I subscribe to the practice laboratory idea to a certain extent, but I don't think that means the therapist has to agree to touch (or to anything else that makes them uncomfortable that is outside the therapeutic frame). I have made great strides in some of my touch issues by talking about them in depth with my T. I have never had any kind of hugging or touching access to my therapist, but her skill in getting to the root of what is going on with me makes growth in that area a possibility. I actually think that at this point (in the thick of things), touching her would be counterproductive, even though it might feel good to me.
I know that touch is a delicate, complicated subject, though, and I'm sorry that your therapist's inconsistency and mixed signals are making this so hard. I agree with the person upthread who said that maybe what you were doing with him never really was therapy, so going to another therapist to untangle the mess this situation has created might not be such a stressful experience. Even for people with good outside support networks, the intensity of emotion and the mixed signals given off by your therapist would be incredibly hard to deal with. I feel safe telling my therapist how I feel about her in part because I know for sure that she will never, ever be anything but my therapist, due to her rock solid boundaries. Would we be good as friends? Yeah, probably, because we get along uncommonly well, in my estimation. But there are a few billion people in the world who could potentially be my friend and far fewer who could be a good therapist for me. I think your good therapist (should you choose to find him or her) is still out there somewhere.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017
He said he didn't think he could help with he rejection piece because I felt it from him, and thats usually the last person you want to comfort you.
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I don't know what kind of training this therapist has, I can say that my T has rejected me and worked through it with me. Like ElectricManatee said, without changing her position, without it becoming about her, and will full focus on my needs. This has been one of the best experiences for me. A T should be able to help you through your feelings of rejections without becoming defensive and without caving to what they think you want. This statement with a few others from your T are red flags for me.
I hear you on not wanting to seek another T, that is your right. I can say finding the right T can be an amazing thing - it is not easy, it is well worth it. It is also possible, as many find, that switching T's after some progress is actually helpful in making additional progress. I've also seen situations where people leave these types of confusing and damaging situations to find much healing with a T that is better for them.