Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
What the stories shared here have in common is experiencing what happens when joining a group where if the leader feels threatened in any way, the new member ends up being attacked and/or punished.
If you don't like the leader of a group, chances are you won't do all that well in the group if you happen to excel or gain attention where the leader feels threatened. An individual can join a group not even realizing they are being carefully evaluated to see if they fit into whatever that group considers acceptable.
This is what human primates do and it's practiced even within a family unit. One's own family dynamics can cause a lot of the different challenges where so many individuals end up with labels that make up this entire board of labels on this site with a list of challenges that present with each label. It's no wonder the two busiest forums on this site is the relationship forum and the depression forum.
It is actually not surprising that different members can share an experience with being stalked or having some kind of online dysfunctional experience. Trust is most definitely not something that comes easy for anyone. Anyone can be taken in and fooled and hurt. It's not surprising a lot of bad experiences happen online either in places where other human beings can hide under the rock of anonymity.
It is however important to learn that what predators like is the chase and that some predators do continue to pursue when they come across someone who tries to run away. Human beings by nature tend to be "hunters and gatherers". Human hunters and gatherers are smart enough to design nets knowing that a good strong net can most definitely bring in a good catch. The interNET has proven to most definitely catch many millions including all kinds of predators. So, it's not surprising there are a lot of stories that individuals can share where they had a bad experience "on the net". One can learn from a bad experience and learn where your own weaknesses are and most if not all people have weaknesses.
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In the events that I described, fortunately what you describe was NOT the case. The group, while I had had some bad experiences with it, was not exclusive or unwelcoming, and the group leader was a very nice guy (who I am still close friends with to this day, even though I no longer live in the same city). What happened to me was a member of the group who had a beef with the leader took advantage of me not knowing the group dynamic.
So, anyways, what you say is true, and I paraphrase, that it's really important to spend a little time observing the group dynamic before getting too involved or divulging any personal information.
The leader of the group that I was involved with was a super nice guy and even after I wrote that scathing review, he was super humble and apologetic about what had happened to me and said publicly that the group could be more welcoming to newcomers. I can't speak highly enough about what a stand up guy he was. But again, like I said, I think he and others saw that I got played by this disgruntled group member.
I think if there's one thing I could stress to people joining forums is to a) lurk a bit and try and decipher the group dynamic and b) try to resolve conflict one-on-one and with compassion and reason. That can help prevent the cyber-mob mentality coming after you.
Seesaw