I know that it might be hard to change your life when people draw you down and make you think that your a loser (I'm just guessing that is why you say these things like you have low self esteem and stuff like that. I don't actually think you are a loser.) I try to do stuff to help myself when I have no courage to even step outside like plan to volunteer which is boring but I want to volunteer somewhere I can enjoy myself.

I also like to use the internet sometimes to pick out some things that are what social workers do. I mind train myself like in the way that someone has said already. It's an odd process and even I don't understand what happens. I realize that it's not even meditation which is what I was trying to do but I ended up being "trained" to be a robot lol. Not in the way that they don't have emotions but I was just so good at my job after that. I'm not even joking.