DP, I'm so sorry you feel this way. This is what terrifies me. I feel extremely attached and alternate between feeling like I can't bear to see her because it's too painful, and then like I can't possibly live without her. So I relate to feeling trapped.

cavaliers, I'm afraid the tennis analogy is slightly lost on me as I'm the least sporty person in the world ...but I get your point and it makes sense. I'm glad there is a but, and I'm glad to hear you are working through it. At the moment it is just so addictive, it's like now it's an option again I can't stop. But I do wonder i sort of have to go through it again because the first time (and second, third..) I had no support..so this is like a re run with support. If that makes sense. Still hellish though.