I had one of those dreadful relationship situations yesterday where someone winds up screaming at me and trying to make me wrong. I think I must be on the road to recovery and wholeness because, although I take my shortcomings seriously and have been reflecting and writing about how I can do better in the future, I do not feel as if my entire identity has been shattered because one person says I'm bad, wrong, etc.

I was supposed to take possession of a condo apartment at noon yesterday. That was the terms of the contract. But when I called the attorney to say I was coming to get the keys -- as I'd been told to do -- I was told that the keys would be delivered to the apartment where I was staying.

The keys did not arrive. I, the attorney's closer, and my agent, started calling the seller's agent -- who did not answer the phone. Finally, when I got a hold of her, she started yelling at me about how the seller -- who had 7 weeks to move while I've been moving around, staying here and there with relatives and friends, went on a cruise -- hadn't moved out yet and what did I expect her to do?

Not -- We can't meet the terms of the contract -- can you give us a few hours?

No -- you are wrong, you terrible person, and we are right. (Even though we are legally wrong).

So I said, tersely, "Stop yelling at me," and she hung up on me.

Telephone tag went on for 3 and a half hours -- during which time she didn't answer the phone for me or the attorney or my agent.

Finally, I left a couple of messages saying, rather sadly, "Gee, I hope I don't have to have a locksmith come and charge it to seller's security deposit (for staying in the apartment an extra week after the sale)."

And the keys were delivered. And seller wanted me to feel oh so bad bec. she left the place filthy for me to clean up.

Seller's agent called me, and started posing question about "Well why didn't you just walk to apartment (which is next door to where I was staying) and ask what was going on?"

I said, "Well let me ask you a question." Which would have been: Wouldn't you say that delivering the keys is seller's responsibility to meet the terms of the contract -- not buyer's to have to chase after them?"

And agent said, "Don't you talk to me in that tone of voice. I'll hang up on you again."

"Go right ahead." After all, she called me to initiate this attempt to make me wrong.

"Everybody tells me that you're rude. I'm getting reports from all over. You're not going to have any friends here."

This is so patently ridiculous that it was laughable. I've hardly been here during the past 7 weeks, and the only person I've talked with is the seller, who keeps trying to make me feel sorry for her, and I keep refusing to be sucked into her drama.

So I told her that buyer was three and a half hours in violation of contract, and she started calming down and admitting seller was wrong and she'd "talk to her about it." But I'm pretty sure agent refused to answer the phone because she was stonewalling.

My stomach clenched because I was told -- once again -- that I'm not good enough to have friends and -- implication in my mind -- be among regular people. And I think that I did not live up to the ideals of compassion and mercy that I hold for myself.

Sure, I could have walked next door. And my anger in person would have been worse than over the phone.

But, as my Ts or my spiritual mentor would likely say -- there is plenty of bad behavior here to go around. And I bet seller and agent never even reflect on how they might have behaved with more politeness or integrity.

I wish I could set boundaries without getting angry or being cold (which other people see as being "rude") to others, but I am not internalizing the attacks on me as me being "all wrong" or completely inadequate and all the other guilt I lay on myself. And that is progress for me.