I like this. It gave me lots to ponder. I am divorced and have a serious BF now, and I don't consider it rehearsal in a larger sense but in tiny ways. This maybe is because I am new to therapy , though it has been a year now, and this is my only therapist. He is the one who told me well the therapy relationship is unique because it is "artificial " and a rehersal and a reparative relationship. I wonder though if you are more right than he. It feels real; we affect each other. So it is partially, probably real. It is such a strange job, when you think about all the one way intimacy being more than that, having components from both people. My T's wife is quite possessive of him, and I really see why ( should I know that? Nope. ) . His 3 foot rule not withstanding, what if he does love or care for some of his patients while taking about their deep secrets. How does that resonate into his marriage and personal life. I do think there is a profession-wide stance that there are no feelings from the therapist to the client that aren't sort of under control, but human nature being what it is, that's unlikely. For me I engage "top down" thinking as much as I can. I try to walk the line between experiencing this deep intimacy of eye contact and empathy in this office, while also understanding real intimacy is in my real life and his in his except inside the moment or the fifty minutes. I have never asked for a hug etc, because I understand it as a larger protection my T put in place with his wife in mind, his professional feeling about himself. I saw this beautiful 25 year old leave the building a few days ago- I dont have a jealousy about that, but neither would I want BF hugging her while she cried to be honest.

" What is a moment anyway / but a thing made entirely of its own vanishing?" Dean Young