I don’t know if anyone can relate.. lately I’ve been in a .. mood. I don’t want to take my meds and honestly haven’t for like a whole month. I don’t feel I need them. The lithium exhausts me and requires too much blood tests. My ap causes weight gain and I don’t want to deal with that. My anti anxieties don’t even seem to help so what’s the point.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in a mixed state before but now I’m not sure. I feel okay some days like 5/10 with depression. Then super energized and bouncing off the walls soon after. Then severely depressed. Felt suicidal a couple times but then bounced back. A few slip ups with some self harm and overspending. No psychosis lately so no hallucinations and delusions like I normally get.

I know everyone will just say ‘take your meds’ but it’s not that easy for me. I’m starting to feel paranoid about it like I’m being poisoned and monitored.