I'm a 34 year old woman, single and living on my own, so sometimes I really like I have nobody. My parents have known about my depression for years and used to be supportive, but now I feel they are fed up with it and don't support me at all. I recently had an argument with my Mum because she got fed up with me trying to talk through things with her (which I haven’t done in a long time). When I try and talk to her, she just goes quiet and when I asked why she doesn’t say anything she just shouted at me and said ‘I don’t know what you want me to say?!’ I know it’s hard to be supportive when you don’t understand, but I just wish she would try and empathise with me in some way. I told her that I mostly go through life just feeling numb and I put on a brave face everyday and she didn’t say anything or mention it since. If that was me and I really loved that person, it would kill me to know they feel that way. She used to be really supportive and when I’m down she would text me to see if I was alright and send me encouraging texts and emails, but she doesn’t do that anymore and I really feel like she doesn’t care. I don’t have anyone.

I feel like it's up to me to pull myself out of it all the time, but sometimes I just need to know people care. It's so hard when the only person you have is yourself, but yet your head is full of poisonous thoughts and trying to convince you that killing your self is the best option. It's like trying to restart your own heart - impossible.

I know it would upset my parents if I died, but sometimes I just feel it would be the only way to show them how bad I’m really feeling, but then it’s too late. I really don’t think I can go on like this anymore. I don’t enjoy life, I just exist.