I hope it goes well tomorrow, and he finds himself as a T and makes you feel comfortable and self-accepting.

I love my dogs so much too, and I lost one this year who meant more than the world to me. That is the one time my T totally didnt get it, didnt come through, and didnt care. ( he doesnt like dogs). I cried over the dog, and I think he was mainly annoyed or didnt get it which then hurt my feelings. It was one of our only "ruptures" that didnt ever get repaired. We just moved on.

I know that is completely different from the way your T let you down, but it sounds like he did relate to the loss of your dog and companioned you through that.

Touching other people is something that does become awkward once it is talked about, but then again so does something like eye contact. I read a book by a therapist who sad her male client was angry at her for the way she breathed , and she then became self-conscious and aware of her own every breath ( he would say HEY you are breathing again!). All I mean is that the minute these things that are often done by feel become verbalized, it can be awkward but awkward isnt bad-it can be charming or have both people vulnerable in a redeeming way.

Asking to be friends in the future or to practice physical touch is something mine would simply never allow . When I say that, it is a compliment to his professionalism, because I would like to be friends with him ( we are peers in many ways from age to educational level etc) ; I would be intrigued really to kiss him goodnight or see what is up with him as a romantic match too, bc I really am curious. However, as someone said before, I only have one psychologist, but I have many friends and have had many romances. From the getgo , he has stressed this isnt a social relationship. It isnt a relationship you've had before , bc it is unique and in some ways very authentic and in other ways completely artificial .

It is really different for you and your T it seems like, on both sides of the "couch". You express that touching people is a really challenging issue for you, and you want to become more comfortable with it by touching your T more and differently in the safe situation with the trusted person; meanwhile your T gives you much looser, less clear and strict boundaries than mine gives me. I dont think this should be so horrible tomorrow.

I wonder if he wanted you to feel ultra comfortable, and ended up beckoning you closer in a social sense than is typical . I definitely dont think it means he cares about you less as a client or person or that he has changed toward you. I just think he has a grown man sense that too much touching is headed down a romantic path, and that it is his responsibility to protect you, especially bc you trust him. They do all that reality testing and social norming stuff. One big thing male T's are entrusted about with female clients is not to take advantage, not to be creepy etc. It seems like he treats you special, especially, and the reason for that hasn't gone away even if he is adjusting his behavior and boundaries.

I hope this is all okay. It seems like it is good stuff, human and real. Maybe it is growing pains or an uncomfortable moment?