Monday 1/8 - No session, phone call

After several emails on Sunday, we decided to have a phone call at 9:30am and keep my appointment at 3:30pm open for me. At 9:30am, you called several times trying to get through to me saying that you were running late and would call me later. The phone connection was bad so you tried several times. Finally, you got through enough to tell me what you wanted and to hear my response. After that call, I emailed you to say to call the room number, not knowing if the problem was on your end or mine. You called back at 9:45ish to my cell number.

Hi, Hi… Oh I called your cell number not the room… It’s ok… I think the problem was on my end, an issue with the cell phone connecting to a blue tooth head set in bag…. Ok… In office now, is it ok to pause for a moment and put you on speaker phone? … yeah, muttering to myself, I should do the same…. Ok can you hear me… yes, can you hear me… yes…

You said in an exclamative tone “What happened?

I proceeded to tell you as I often do in reverse order. I told you about Saturday and how at some point in the afternoon I started feeling very tired and cold, not well at all. I started having the feeling behind my eyes that you do when you have a fever so I took my temperature and it was 102. Backtracking I said well really, I started feeling really cold on Friday and unable to get warm but didn’t feel like I was running a fever then. I told you that like I had said on Thursday, it was already acting odd, redder and back [the seromas] so I had contacted the doctor and sent them picture. They had said to stay the course, no aspirating at home and compress as tight as I could handle the wrappings. So, I had been doing that. I said that I wasn’t sure that it was an infection – I thought the coloring might have been from bruising because of the aspirating done by the doctor at Wednesdays appointment and the pain from the tightness of the wrapping. I told you that it just continued to get redder as the week continued. I was trying to get to Monday to contact the clinic again, but when I spiked the fever, I thought it best to call the on-call doctor. The doctor suggested/encouraged me to go to the ED. I thought then that I’d be going in to get drained and oral antibiotics. I shared with you that I asked them about the 4 hour ED waiting time (which didn’t look like that once I got there regardless of anything). She said that she’d let the service to be on the lookout for me and if it seemed to be taking a long time to call her back.

I continued with the story saying that once I got called back to triage, we went through the checklist and took the vitals, there I was only 101.8. As we wrapped up the checklist, I asked the nurse if she wanted to see a picture of my leg as it was still wrapped. She said yes, I pulled it up on my phone and told her that it was taken 2 hours earlier. She said ok, and got up, said she’d be right back. A few moments later, another nurse came to room me. We ran into the first nurse in the hallway as she was coming back to room me also. I got roomed and changed.

I told you that people would come into the room, grab gloves, look at my leg and leave.

The ED nurse came in and took some more information down, heard the story all over again, unwrapped my leg and said ok, be right back and she left. At some point, I got some heated blankets because I was freezing.

Next was the plastics surgeon. She popped her head in and I said, hey I know you. I told you that I couldn’t remember which surgery she was part of but that I recognized her. She said she was the one that was in on the leg surgery. Then I remembered that she was one that had come and checked on the drain when it wasn’t working. She did some pressing and checking on things before leaving. At that time, she said that she’d cut a small opening to try to drain it completely, and probably an admission.

Then an ultrasound tech came in to try to get a picture of what was going on there. He kept getting paged to come assist with another patient that was a safety risk. When he came back for the 3rd time the plastics doc had returned and was starting to set up for the procedure. They decided on no ultrasounds as she was going to cut open anyway. I wished they would have done the ultrasound because I would have liked to have seen what that cavity looked like on the larger seroma.

She finished her procedure and told me at some point that she’d ordered IV antibiotics, admitted me, and put an order for me to have surgery. She tried to reassure me that the surgery order was just in case. I said that later when she came in, she still tried to say it was just in case; I took it as, ‘you are going in for surgery, I’m just trying to ease you into the concept of it’. I told you that I was not prepared for that, that I had thought I was coming in for a drain and oral antibiotics, possibly a onetime bag of IV antibiotics.

We talked a little about the frustration of being NPO every night when being an addon case. I told you that I had started thinking of it as being on standby. I told you how the night before I had ordered an extra dinner before the kitchen closed so I could have a midnight snack before I was unable to eat. You thought this was a good idea. I told you I had mac and cheese. I informed you that the surgeon had cases until 2-3 in the afternoon so I didn’t want to wait that long without food. Again you supported my decision here to eat a late night meal. I said the night before I had eaten dinner at 5pm and it wasn’t until 10 am the following day before I found out that I would not have surgery on Sunday and could eat. You commiserated with me around that. I said that if I could stop eating at midnight and have surgery at 6am, why then could I not eat up until 9am (if I was going in at 3pm). I guess it was a good thing after all because they came to get me at 11:45am not 3pm.

I then joked about having spent my annual out of pocket max for medical this year within the first week of the year. You said, way to look at the bright side. I told you I was a little afraid of insurance not covering this bill because of the issues coming as complications from an elective procedure. You responded with support. I shared with you that I talked to the on-call doctor about this as a concern for coming in and that they said that it should be covered and something about complications from an anesthetized procedure but that I might have to fight the insurance. There was some discussion around it all being in how the hospital coded things. You agreed that it could be a stressful situation depending on how it works out.

I told you that it was weird being in the hospital for as long as I have been (at this point I was at 60 hours). I said that through all my procedures and everything I had never stayed more than one overnight, so no multiple overnights experiences other than maybe my tonsils when I was 4. I told you about my experience on Sunday about walking up from a nap, going for a walk, and being a little disoriented about my surroundings. You said it was common (or not that uncommon). I proceed to say how I was walking around in a gown and scrubs and it felt like all there was was being on this unit/in the hospital. Like there wasn’t a real world out there, that this was my world, would be my world. In fact, I had walked passed the door to the outside several times and just did not even see it. I didn’t feel like you understood what I was trying to describe early on. I do think you caught on some by the end of this topic.

I thanked you for holding my session today. I said that I had a topic I was nervous about but thought it would be best handled in person. You respected my thoughts around this and did not push or pry on it, like usual.

It was time to wrap up, I knew we’d talked a long time. I wanted to tell you “love you”. This reminded me of my mother’s call on Sunday and how she said, “love you” in the closing [I have no memory of the last time my mother verbalized the word love in either love you or I love you. She always signs her cards, "Love, Mom"]. You asked me how I felt about (maybe how was it for me). I said I didn’t like it at all. I said that it would be another thing for our session (again aware of the time). You said ok added to the list – I felt like you were joking around with me on this, it felt good.

I commented that I thought about that call because I wanted to say I love you to you and it brought up that memory.

We started to wrap things up, saying good byes, thank yous for this and that. You commented again about hoping to see me and also hoping that I have the surgery because either one is taking care of me.

We hung up without me telling you I love you. It felt weird to try to say it after the connection to my mother’s call. I was sad for a short period after our call. I didn’t want to go back to work. I wanted to curl into a ball. I did curl up some for a few mins maybe 10, doubtful more than that. I don’t think I cried, if I did it would have been only a tear or 2. Then I returned to work.

Emails after surgery -
Hi Dr. S, Still in post op waiting for transportation. They found the infection and took sample to culture. I can't get discharged until the red is gone. Hopefully that will be quickly.

I'm feeling youngish and connected to the mommy part in you.

Phone almost out of battery.

Love me

Dear Me!
Thank you for touching base! Hang in there. Know that I am sending thoughts of rest and healing and comfort! And may you rest peacefully in the thought that I know!
Faithfully,
Dr. S