I feel kind of lonely with this, so I'm just gonna write it here.

I went off my meds for about two months (I know, it was stupid), mostly because I was tired of being tired all the time and I was very convinced that I'm completely normal and don't need them at all.

I ended up ruining a long-term friendship by acting very selfishly, shopping too much, wasting all my money and I was cleaning obsessively. Compared to my earlier hypomanic episodes this one was different so that I could sleep more than usually in those states. In weird patterns, but yes I was able to sleep, and I think that's what stopped things going completely out of hands. During the christmas holidays I felt like some kind of crash is coming, I didn't have so much energy anymore and that's why I started the medication again as soon as I got money.

Now I feel somewhat depressed and low. I have had it much worse before but I'm so tired of this. I don't know if I should get my meds changed because everytime I'm on my meds, I either feel somewhat depressed or rarely "normal". And without meds I swing between too hyped and bad depression. Or maybe I should just wait til my current ones kick in properly.

I already regret writing this, I just guess I want to feel less alone or something. Ugh, I hope this will stop some day.