cielpur. I have been in a similar situation, in which I purposely did not give contact information to certain family members and they got it anyhow and sent me things. The best thing to do is to ignore whatever they sent you. Just throw it away. By acknowledging it, you give them the satisfaction of knowing that they interacted with you. When you fail to acknowledge it at all, they get no satisfaction and no reward for their effort.

Regarding them getting your address, there are many ways they could have gotten your address. I do suspect that your sister may have given it out. No, she should not have done this. But there's not much you can do about it except throw away anything that comes from this pervert cousin and pretend it didn't happen. Ignore it.

I do think a word with your sister to not give out your personal information is advised, but I would not have done it in an accusatory tone. Many people just do not understand wanting to cut family members who are toxic off or wanting to keep information private. They don't understand the concept of self care. It probably would have been better to say, I'm not sure if you gave out my address or not, but please, just in the future if you do get asked, tell the person to ask me directly or do not give it out at all.

My brother used to get mad at me because my mom would ask questions about me. He would get mad because I wasn't speaking to my mother at the time, I had no contact. And I told him, don't get mad at me about it. Get mad at her. You are not a conduit for information. Just tell her, stop asking me questions about seesaw. I don't have to remain in an unhealthy relationship just because my brother is okay being in an unhealthy relationship.

It's like now, I have finally cut my brother out of my life (he tried to molest me and kill me growing up), and my mother and I have made amends and have a much healthier relationship with boundaries now. My mother will try and give me updates about my brother, and I've made it clear to her that I do not want to discuss anything about him. He was injured in a motorcycle crash a couple of years ago, and she keeps trying to give me updates and tell me about his surgeries, and, I'm not rude about it, I just don't respond and change the subject. She's learned through this quiet setting of boundaries that I don't care to discuss him or whatever is going on with him. I also don't discuss things about my other brother or my nephews with her. In fact, in general, I don't discuss anything going on with family members with her. I've come to the resolution that if she wants information about a family member, then she should just ask them. It's not my place to tell her things. And if I want to know about a family member, I will just ask that family member.

Now certainly there are things we discuss, like the situation with her stepson and how that's affecting her. But that's different. She's a party to that situation. This isn't like telling me random crap about a family member's life or gossiping about a family member.

So, anyways, I digress. I don't know that it's a betrayal, as you asked, but it's certainly not very considerate and a symptom of the poor boundaries in your family.

Seesaw