Well, I think you did a fairly good job at venting your challenge and how your environment has contributed to it. What I have noticed about your vent the most is how you need to work on breaking free of trying to please your mother. Your mother is not a person that anyone can truly please. Instead your mother is very self absorbed and challenged as an individual and you just can't please a person like that. Your mother is not a good role model for you at all either so what you need to do is go out and find individuals who can mentor you better and help you learn how to help yourself and develop your own identity instead of the identity you have been writing out in that book you have that keeps you trapped in your mother's dysfunction. What you need to learn is how NOT to live your mother's life anymore, but how to live YOUR OWN life. Find your way to get back to school, finish getting your education and seek out healthier mentors.