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Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
It was kind of the T version of the Doorknob Topic, and it was in such distancing language after he coaxed me all session to be connected and present- seems hypocritical(?).
Sorry such a long post- I'm frustrated and puzzled by myself.
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Completely a doorknob method. Vacations and changes in schedule/routine, if they affect you, affect us for a wide range of reasons. Your feelings are valid and ok. I would recommend talking to your T about how it felt like a doorknob topic and would appreciate more notice and time to process out your feelings around the changes.
My T disclosed several weeks throughout the year where she'll be working Monday but leaving before Thursday for conferences. The first one coming up in February. We've already started to process this missed session. I don't know how frequently you see your T; however, given he is talking about this Friday, it is a good chance you won't see him before he leaves, by not bringing it up early in the session, he effectively forces you to either use out of session contact to work through it with him or you deal with it on your own.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
I know it is bc it was just the holidays and the session schedule was not as reliable, but it was also bc he insists on so much confiding from me and talking about secrets on and on. . . couldn't he at least say hey I am going to . . . my kids soccer game, a conference. . . I guess I am confused about myself, and why this hurts my feelings.
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Have you asked him in the past what he was doing or where he was going when he's had a vacation? Will he disclose at all if you ask? And yeah it can be hard to deal with not knowing things about our T and the onesideness of this type of relationship; especially after we share so much of ourselves. My T will share some with me but usually I have to directly ask. So, if you can, you can directly ask him what he'll be up too. Maybe it's not a secret, maybe it just didn't occur to him to tell you. Again, not knowing the type of dynamic you've had with him and your therapy process.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
I think it is likely bc it calls attention to the part that this is a doctor -patient relationship only even though it feels personal. I have plenty of good friends, a BF, and a busy full life, so I cant understand why the psychologist mesmerizes my attention so much. It doesnt really invoke or call to mind my behavior outside of session, and it takes so much will power not to overreact to these little things.
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This is a big one for me. Anything that reminds me of the business side of this stuff can set me off and set us back. I know it's a business. I know my T is a paid person in my life and if I stopped paying her she would eventually cut me completely off. I don't believe she'd stop caring about me and I do believe she would be generous in trying to work with me.
I don't have plenty of good friends, I do have a wife, and a few good friends that are not geographically near me. I have a somewhat busy life. So there is that difference for me than what you describe.
For me, there seems to be the need for an illusion aspect to the relationship in order for me to feel her caring and love. I can deal with the business side of things if it is done outside the therapy room. I think it has something to do with once in that room, then we are on me time. It is the time in my life where everything can be about me and the business side of this activity is not about me unless I have a problem with it, like when waiting for her to get in network with my insurance or when there was a coding issue and I needed her to address how her billing people did something. I am so glad she has a billing service that takes care of her billing for her so I don't have to deal with any of that directly with her unless I have a problem with them.
I also have a MC and with him, none of these things bother me - we pay each session a copay and talk about schedule stuff frequently. So I don't need this illusion with all mental health providers.
PS - don't worry about the length of your post, it's all good. I do mini novels.