I'm sorry Perna, please don't be offended but I don't understand some of the points you have made which is why I haven't responded to them. I do appreciate your input and I will keep re reading your replies in a hope to understand you better. But I would like to say that my little fantasy world that I speak of has helped me get this far in life and it is not a conscious 'game' I am playing. Sometimes I don't even realise I am living outside of reality until something happens to jolt me back to real life. If I lived my life in reality I don't think I would have made it to the age of 35 after all the things I have been through.

River - A couple of things......This Self in Exile disorder, is it something you personally have named? I've Googled it and can find nothing about it, just references to Schizoid PD.
And....I did run away 2 years ago. I sold my house and lived in a caravan for a year travelling around the country and doing temp jobs when I could. I made it all the way to Inverness!!! I felt good at first but then I realised I was ill and needed to settle and get some help. I still struggle with my desire to run away and start again. My CPN knows about this and is helping me get accommodation in my local city so I am nearer health care facilities (I live in a crappy town with no support groups or hospital within 20 miles). Of course when my little mind goes into overdrive I get all negative and just think they are trying to get me nearer to their office so they can control me even more!!! I make myself laugh sometimes with the daft things I think!!!
Yeah I know I'm paranoid too.....