This is what jumps out to me:

<<nearly everyone else around me gets to decide how they want to arrange their life, decide how our relationship will go, and I just have to accept it>>

THIS seems like a very important thing to discuss with your therapist. Personally, I find it freaky how my feelings towards my therapist mirror feelings I have in the real world towards other people. What is most useful for me is to identify those feelings and talk about them with him.

You can go looking for another therapist, but I can guarantee that every single therapist will disappoint you in one way or another, because every human being will. The fact is, you say this guy has helped you a lot, is professional, empathetic, etc.

You're saying he won't ever budge so what's the point. Is that really true? Or is that what you have decided, based on your past experiences? Could you say that same statement about your parents? If so, you have to ask yourself if what you are saying is really true or if you're deciding, in advance, what the outcome will be. I can tell you from my own experience with other people that I used to give up pretty quickly, far more quickly than I'd give up now.

There is no reason you can't discuss things over and over again. That's a lot of the work of therapy. If you keep talking with him, you guys might be able to find some way that works for both of you. If you just walk away, you never will. I have had seemingly intractable conflicts with therapists that we did manage to resolve. To me, that seemed like the most important work of therapy.

In the tiny stage that is the therapy room, the therapist must play many different roles--be a stand-in for your parents, your friends, your siblings, your lovers, your coworkers. The reason therapists maintain some distance is so that they don't foreclose any of these options. There have been many times I've wished my therapist would hug me, etc. I'm glad he didn't. Without the safe boundaries of the therapy room, we never could have made as much progress. And yes, there were times that I left session very upset, sad, crying, etc. And there was no contact until the next session. I know that he did think of me, but he was holding the boundaries firm to protect our relationship.

I personally think 3 months is kind of a critical time in therapy. Whatever initial crisis has brought a person to therapy is (hopefully) resolved. A person has to decide if they are going to go deeper. And also, if you want to change, you have to change behavior. You have to keep complaining about something, when you'd normally stop. Or confess a feeling that you normally wouldn't confess. Or scream and shout, when normally you wouldn't. Having conflict with your therapist is *totally normal.* I would say in any therapy relationship, if there wasn't some conflict going on, then the relationship has probably stagnated. I think talking to your therapist about your feelings about the limitations of the therapy relationship can be hugely productive. I know it is hard.