Due to the companies policy there is no way for me to get anywhere going directly to Pdoc and T , there hands are tied and having that long history with my T Richard it will actually upset him and I dont want that.

When I made this move to Florida I started looking for a T was only getting " no openings for 3-6-9 months. When I had to clean up after a suicide in my home I couldnt find ANYONE that "deals" with that sorta thing... yeah go figure.. So I have sucked it up and decided eventually I will get past/over it. 23 weeks and counting.

Prior to moving my T and I discussed how to go about finding a new T and how to get them to understand I am not walking back through my abusive life traumas just to bring them up to speed. I will write up a short bullet type intro to me. I understand someone needing some info about what I have worked through and put to bed..

There is only 1 T that takes Medicare at the new office and I do NOT like female T's .. Never have never will. All female T's I have had are far to "chatty" for me.. I like direct goal orientated work. I dont need a cheerleader type. Yes using a broad stroked brush but I have been there done that and no need to return.

As for my dumping my meds? I have done it before and been fine for a year or more each time. Between physical and psych meds I think my entire body needs a break from all the damn chemicals My last Arthritis med that I had high hopes for has been yet another epic fail..

I sleep maybe 2-3 hours a night , many nights nothing so none of my meds are helping much anyway.

Maybe Ill go home unpack and get away from this hell hole and sleep for weeks or I will finally lose my shyt and wind up IP ... 50/50 I guess.

I dont mean to be a bytch or a downer I am just tired of it all and having no choice but to change providers has really pushed me to the edge. I can never trust another T that I had with Richard.. I could tell him Im feeling suicidal and need to talk things out He never spazzed and hit the OMG you HAVE to go IP right now.. A new person? I will not be able to be open and honest with and make a crisis plan that I will be okay with... I need to focus on the fact that I had a great team for 6 years and I am grateful for that...

Thanks for the advice and encouragement... It means alot.