It's very hard for a man to come on here and to speak. In fact It has been so hard to find a site which gives a man a voice.

I am stuck with what to do. My wife and I have been together for 18 1/2 years. I am 40 years old. Things were good until my wife was pregnant with our second child 16 years ago. Whilst she was pregnant she got quite possessive, and the smallest of arguments would turn into a big explosion. At one point she phoned me at work and threatened to stab me. I am happy to say, no such threat has ever been said since.

However I wish I had taken this as a warning sign. Since this time she has looked at my test messages, and our arguments have been quite explosive. she clearly had trust issues.

She has controlled when I used to see my grandmother (back in the day) and made excuses as to why we could not see her. My grandmother got Cancer and was on her deathbed. Every time I wanted to go and see her at the hospice, my wife would argue with me about going unless I got my son off to sleep first, and gave my daughter her bottle of milk (and this was on more than one occasion)

A couple of days before my grandmother passed away She said I could go and see her, as long as I dropped her off at an indoor play centre. I agreed, and spent quality time with my grandmother. An hour later I left and picked up my wife and daughter. I was shouted at, as the play centre was shut and she was forced to go outside in the rain, this was before we had mobile phones.

Fast forward 8 years and my sister was living away from home. she was about 45 minute drive from my house. My wife would always say that we could not go and see her because the petrol money would cost too much (we were not hard up), she would only go and see her if we could borrow he dads car (which was a company car and free fuel) This was not always available. Sadly my sister passed away about 4 years ago with cancer. She was only 38 (just).

Since then she slapped me round the face for a silly reason (which I can't remember why) but she apologised and I accepted it.

Things just have got a lot worse. Due to the way I was always being treated, I sought comfort in the arms of a mutual friend. We kissed once and sent risky texts, but nothing more. We got caught out by text message and it hit the fan.

I am not proud of what I had done. I got kicked out of home temporarily but the relief of being free felt so good. I suddenly realised how much of a hold she had on me.

My wife took it bad and cut her knuckles up with razor blades. We agreed to put what I did behind us and move forward. The first 4 months were the hardest. She would play the same two songs all night EVERY NIGHT. If I hear those songs now then it makes me feel sick. She refused any counselling and we carried on. We have had many arguments. The majority re alcohol fueled, one of which she punched me in the head 3 times and pulled my collar scratching my neck several times, drawing blood. I told her if she ever did that again I would leave, and thankfully she hasn't.

She again looks at all my texts, emails etc.. I have learnt to accept this as I did the dirty.

However, she has started playing mind games. for example, it was my 40th birthday the other day. She stayed in bed until 12:00and encouraged my children to do the same. I was due round my parents at 13:00 and she was not ready to leave home until 13:15. If we were going round her families house I'd get shouted at if we were late.

The evening was also NYE and we were due to go out for 19:00. at 16:50 she told me she was having a bath, and stayed in there for 1 hour. I had planned to tidy up the kitchen and make dinner at 17:45. However my son then asked for a lift. I was gone for 30 minutes. I came back to a massive row as I had left everything for her to do, and I KNEW WE WERE GOING OUT. She shouted and shouted, refused to let me speak because she "wasn't going to argue about it". The argument got bad and she approached my personal space at speed whilst I was stood at the top of the stairs. I can honestly say I thought she was going to push me down the stairs.

Anyway I did all the tidying etc, and apologised. She eventually came round and I told her that I had it all in hand and that I didn't think we were tied to that time and that we could be a bit later. She then sad we didn't have to be there for 19:00.

In addition to this she will break things and blame me. She broke a bulb today because she dropped it and when she caught it, it snapped. That was my fault because I put it in the wrong place in the first place.

We brought a dog a few years back. I have to do everything for it. If it needs medication or clearing up outside, she will not do it. She says that I wanted a dog, so it is my responsibility. This might be the truth but in our relationship, if she didn't ant a dog we would not have one.

We also have joint bank accounts, I have asked for my own, just with a bit of pocket money in (to save to buy clothes, or anything I want) and she has said no. Yet if she needs or wants anything, then she will go out and buy it. I always get shouted at and the answer is no.

I have holes in clothes, boxers, and socks. she will have a go at me if I suggest I need to buy new clothes or underwear. She buys herself stuff when she needs it.

If we have a conversation with friends, 9 times out of 10 it will start with "that's the trouble with ..... (me)"

I struggle to go tot the DR's as she laughs at me/the reason why.

I just feel so depressed, I am currently on anti depressants and the main reason is her.

I feel so trapped, my kids would be devastated if I leave my wife, and I am worried my wife would do something silly to herself as she has hinted this in the past.

I don't know what to do, or even if this is normal in other relationships.