I was also betrayed by the system twice, the second time; I made a call, never once saying that I had intent on doing something wrong, I just wanted to talk/vent and in less than 5 minutes on the phone, my home was surrounded by what looked like to me, the entire police force. Both experiences traumatized me beyond comprehension and to have it happen to me twice has totally destroyed my trust and willingness to communicate the truths. I felt and still feel like a walking insurance target.

It took a long, long time to trust anyone. a few months ago, my therapist threatened to have me committed. I assured her that I was okay....and I've not shared another thing with her, not my thoughts, plans etc. I totally trusted her and I've been seeing her for 3 years now. If I can't talk out what I am thinking and feeling instead of being persecuted for feeling at all, then why bother with any of it? Why take the meds? why go to talk therapy? I've spent the last few months back at square one. It took 5 years to build up trust towards the medical professionals and a 1 hour conversation to destroy it all. Now I have nothing, no one, just pills and my intrusive and complete deranged thoughts.