I’m tired, I’m just venting, I don’t want therapy or more meds but this lack of concentration and voices are killing me. I’m still lack personality and a voice. I’m just waiting for the overwhelming paranoia to set in. I don’t have time or energy to deal with this. Ex. T would be like “distract yourself” but that only makes me think of negative grounding techniques I have. She thinks getting up and do something like laundry will help. They’re so loud it’s almost headache inducing.

I can’t keep ignoring “her” she’ll just get louder and more obnoxious but living with “her” kills me and causes relationship problems. I’m already at the point that I’m consuming very little animal products TMI gagging up what I do eat but I keep it down. “Her” goal is to get me to only have raw fruits and veggies. “She” probably won’t be happy with that either. “She” won’t be happy until I’m dead. I know that. I’m already stress about the next time I eat because of “her”. “She’s” always *****ing at me but more so when I eat.

I hate having the ability to know I’m wrong about something but it feels so real. I wish I was able to either loose complete reality or stay sane not this middle ground BS. I’m writing this partly to keep me sane for a couple of hours when bed comes around. Maybe I’m just thinking to much. Tomorrow I’m going to start on doing “school” work. For tonight I’m taking ambien and +5 zyprexa to reset myself.