Chaotically pre-determined emotional expressions predicated on reinforced notions of what is acceptable vs unacceptable behavior relative to perceived values of significance regarding factors outside our control.

Sure, you want to scream, cry, and curse at the heavens, and damned the fools around you, because they don't understand, they don't get it. Why should you focus so much of your time and effort on appeasing those whom seemingly hold no regard for your emotional state of mind.

Perhaps you're experienced, even skilled, in the art of deception. Leading those around you to believe something that isn't, but what will that get you?.

A negative feedback loop that you can't get rid of, and that you feel you can't speak about with those nearest to you.

........Just as with feelings, friends, and being alive, you get in return what you put in. So what are you willing to put in?.

Are you willing to risk it all, for your life's greatest purpose?.

Then tear down the walls, and confront someone about how you feel, REALLY Talk to them; don't just go through the motions. Let it all out, but in a compassionate, respectful, and mindful manner that informs while also encouraging discussion and growth.

You don't need to drink, to feel alive. You don't need to self-harm or turn into a crazed public lunatic to get what you want. There's a better way.

You're mean so much to so many people, including yourself, and your worth fighting for yourself.

This isn't a pretend fairytail everyone has chosen to secretly accept, this is the life we've been given, and we're all in it together on this planet.

As for right now, if you need to find ways to calm yourself, I'd suggest doing what I do, and shopping for things you can't afford on newegg.com.