A couple of months ago i finally got the guts to tell my grandmother about my grandfather molesting me.To my surprise she already knew.Someone had told her.We hadn't Talked much aboutit until recently,when i started emailing her about my Eating Disorder and my childhood sexual assaults she responded well,and then the question came up,She wanted me to tell her what happend.So,I wrote her the poem i had written about it a couple of years ago,its was easier to write a poem then to write graphic details,I never could read it aloud though without getting sick.

Anyways she read it and called me yesterday morning(and she never calls me) crying and apologizing.I couldn't believe it i was shockedand and allittle happy that she wasn't mad at me.So later that night i called her and we talked for about an hour and she cried some more,i couldnt cry for some reason.She reffered to my granfather as Mr.Guy(my last name) she said he didnt deserve to be called grandpa,and she cursed him out earlier in her living room(he has been dead for 2 years),and took down all his pictures.And ahe cried again because she knew that i wouldnt have the problems i do todayif it wouldnt have happend to me.Then she asked how long it went on and i told her and then she asked the one question i hate people asking me and the one question that makes me think that its still my fault.WHY DID YOU KEEP GOING BACK INTO THAT BED???? I HATE THAT QUESTION!!!! I went to snuggle with my granmother ,HE MADE ME STAY! so why did i keep going back for 4 years? who knows.

THats was the only thing that made me hurt out of the whole conversation.I tried not to let her notice,im sure she wasn't saying it to hurt me? She also told me that she was molested or raped(she didn't say which),she'll take that to her grave she said.But that she understands,and shell be there when ever i need her,And that she hopes i can put this behind be,and atleast for myself forgive him.
I felt better somewhat after the conversation,atleast in terms of having someone to talk to.But the memories hit me like a bat outta hell and i couldnt sleep all night.

Im going up to her house this weekend so we can spend time together,and talk about it some more.I hope it goes well.Ive allways felt close to her so this may help alot.