There are ways to ask questions (of yourself and others, online and in real life) like what I think you’re asking, without being insulting:

-I’m curious about...
-Can you help me understand...
-Would you mind explaining more about your experience with...
-I find myself having a strong reaction when I read about...and I wonder why that is.

I have found that coming from a place of curiosity about others helps me feel more open and compassionate and less irritated, which makes me more likely to be curious, which helps me be more open...and so on.