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Originally Posted by Uncharted
That time for me was just having dreams for my future, having a strong will to create opportunities for myself and working through problems. I wanted for everything to work out so I kept trying and it felt good even though I failed at everything in the end. What I also remember about that period is that I wanted to feel depressed. I wanted to be lonely and miserable again. It's like I missed my depression I had before that time and I couldn't stand being happy or feel good about myself. I think happiness is a big lesson and we have to learn it in order to live it and embrace it. Especially those of us who are depressed from a young age.
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Thank you so much for your perspective, I found it very helpful!
Right now I am in my early twenties, just graduated from college.... I think I am having dreams for the future, but I'm scared that I won't be able to fulfill them. I tried (and did not entirely succeed in) expanding/doing some new things this year. The thing is, it took so much energy to even get to those new places. I just hope I can use my failures as a first step towards something better. But it's just sometimes I don't understand at all where I am trying to go. I agree/relate so much with you, and am just hoping that happiness comes my way more than once. I have probably not been able to recognize it. I guess I also feel guilty for being well and taking steps towards happiness. So interesting, the relation between depression and success, for me.
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About motivation, well, let's be honest. When we're depressed, pretty much nothing motivates us, right? So for me, the best way to deal with it is actually embrace your depression as much as you can. Love that f*cker so you can work with it (sorry if I'm getting too much lol). No problem got solved just by ignoring it is my point. It's like a tunnel that you have to go through, not around it.
Anyway, I don't know if that helps but I related to your post so much I had to say something. Wish you all the best hun
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Thanks, I will try not to ignore it. Loving it... I never heard that one before! I will try.
For me the problem I've come across a lot is that I really doubt that there is anything wrong with me. But still, I had a bunch of stress issues manifesting physically in childhood that probably point to unhappiness I haven't yet processed. I remember some things suddenly and then forget again. Just details about how bad things were. (Maybe it is abnormal to even forget in the first place. I can't remember a lot of my childhood. I think I can only remember high school well.) I think I need to make a list, otherwise I will keep on forgetting. I feel like part of the reason I am breaking down now is that I can't forget anymore, I can't bury all the bad things. They are all coming to the surface. I wish I could just breeze on. But maybe I was never good at that all along....
Thank you so much for your response!
