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Originally Posted by emptynightmare
Thank you so much for your perspective, I found it very helpful!
Right now I am in my early twenties, just graduated from college.... I think I am having dreams for the future, but I'm scared that I won't be able to fulfill them. I tried (and did not entirely succeed in) expanding/doing some new things this year. The thing is, it took so much energy to even get to those new places. I just hope I can use my failures as a first step towards something better. But it's just sometimes I don't understand at all where I am trying to go. I agree/relate so much with you, and am just hoping that happiness comes my way more than once. I have probably not been able to recognize it. I guess I also feel guilty for being well and taking steps towards happiness. So interesting, the relation between depression and success, for me. |
I'm happy you found it helpful! Failure means you're trying. I've failed at almost everything in my life and I have let it get to me so much that I barely do anything with my days anymore. I feel it starting to change though lately and I'm hoping I'll start trying out some ideas I've had for a while again. I'm 29 and still don't know where the hell I'm going. How much failure affects us depends on a variety of things but I think mostly it comes down to our idea of self-worth. It's very hard to learn to be generous and kind to ourselves especially when our parents didn't teach that to us. But not impossible! I've been taught to always be good, quiet, respectful and not really look after myself, similar to you I believe. But I always had a rebel in me, thinking differently from what's considered ''normal'' or ''right'' and I've allowed it to come through slowly the past few years.
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Thanks, I will try not to ignore it. Loving it... I never heard that one before! I will try.
For me the problem I've come across a lot is that I really doubt that there is anything wrong with me. But still, I had a bunch of stress issues manifesting physically in childhood that probably point to unhappiness I haven't yet processed. I remember some things suddenly and then forget again. Just details about how bad things were. (Maybe it is abnormal to even forget in the first place. I can't remember a lot of my childhood. I think I can only remember high school well.) I think I need to make a list, otherwise I will keep on forgetting. I feel like part of the reason I am breaking down now is that I can't forget anymore, I can't bury all the bad things. They are all coming to the surface. I wish I could just breeze on. But maybe I was never good at that all along....
Thank you so much for your response! 
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Haha I know loving it sounds weird but I believe there's always something good in every seemingly bad situation we go through. Depression is not a monster that we need to run from exactly. If you see it as something like that, then it gets harder to overcome it. I personally see it as a sign from the universe, that it's come again to learn me new things. We need to see the good things it brings our way, cause I really believe it does. For example, when we're depressed it's a good time to reflect on things, think things through etc. When you're having a good time having a drink with friends for example, you're not really gonna start theorizing about life philosophies, at least not most of the time. And I think the things you say you suddenly remember and then forget, maybe that means those are the issues that need to be resolved. I believe life, the universe, God or whatever you believe in has a way of showing us what we need to do, it's just that we can't always see it and recognize it. If it was that easy, we would all be happy 24/7 but we wouldn't learn anything. It's very hard to face our issues but once we do, that's when we free ourselves from them for good. Ok, I'll stop myself now lol and give you a link to a video that might help. It has helped me a lot.
And you're right, there's nothing wrong with you! You're a great, adorable human like the rest of us
P.S. - It might help you to make a list of the good things that depression has given you or showed you. If you really think, I believe you will find at least a few good things that it brings you, instead of the bad feelings/thoughts.