Well, I'm sort of in a similar boat, or used to be, anyway (although my appearance has more been in the "weird extra" range)... I suppose it's not really helpful, but in my view the universe doesn't really have the "deserve" category. Things just happen. Or sometimes they don't... Quite often, actually... I guess on this depressing note... Well, I don't know about you, but I've got the impression that kissing and sex don't necessarily mean love or whatever. So maybe your situation isn't about that. I, personally, am just abnormally risk-averse and don't trust people. Which, I guess, is related to the fact that I've never tasted alcohol, which is said to be the great relationship facilitator.