Wow, I like what Bill said. I could look back and apply that kind of thinking to what happened to me. I picked very wrong choices though. If your parents showed you that relationships are full of pain (and mine did, physically, emotionally and verbally), you may be afraid of picking someone that you get attached to which makes sense now to me. I picked guys that I thought I had no interest in. Still did with the last one. For me its different, I made sure there wasn't a physical interest in them, and tried not to attach to them emotionally. It didn't work. For me, and I think most women, sex is more than sex. It's so intimate that I couldn't differentiate between sex and love. I know what you meant about having an ideal partner in mind, someone who lives up to your values. In reality though, no one single man can do that. As women we sometimes think our partners should be, our best friends, someone who can help us with our own problems, well at least that was the case for me. I think Bill has the answer there, therapy to discuss this with a professional. Best wishes.