So, you think that my pervert cousin just randomly Googled my name after all these years of no contact, to send me a blank Christmas card photo of him with his wife and kids? That's not what happened. It was my sister's doing actually.

But I do agree that our information is online, and is collected and sold by data brokers to other third party websites that make money off of our name, address, etc. But that's definitely not what happened with my pervert cousin.

***********************************************************************************

Cousin #2 groomed me to have sex with him, sexually harassing me, on a family vacation when we were teenagers, then telling everyone he wanted to have sex with me. We were only 14 and 15 years old. He was always crossing lines like that, as I recall. Not someone you could trust.[/QUOTE]

I am really sorry that this happened to you. I really am.

[/QUOTE] I can't help but wonder if my sister gossiped to our Cousin #1 about what she knew Cousin #2 did to me when we were teenagers, and she and Cousin #1 thought it would be a cruel joke to give Cousin #2 my street address?. [/QUOTE]

I would like to make a comment and please know that I am saying this only with care. It saddens me to see this..[B]. Why do you entertain these thoughts? In other words, why do you spend your energy, which I assume is limited, in visiting these scenario-villes? You might be right. May be they are talking about you. Yes, it is heartbreaking and very wrong but it is not in your control to detect or change others’ trashy behavior.
Please allow me to clarify: i have done this as well; in fact, I destroyed my life many times and I had to re-stitch my life back together. Just because I was constantly visiting these scenario-villes which may or may not exist. I should have focused my limited energy to my physical and mental health, career, interpersonal relationships.

The more you focus on what others are talking or thinking about you, especially those with whom you had conflicts, the more anger and suffering you will have within you. [/QUOTE]

**********************************************************************************

Thank you for your post FallDusTrain. I understand what you mean, but I don't think that I am stuck in the past. I do agree with you though, about how unhealthy it is to dwell on the past.

Had neither cousin sent me those late Christmas cards, I would not have thought about them or what each of them did to me. But, because they did send me those cards, which I had no idea would happen, yes, I was triggered by the past and it upset me, so I posted here to vent about how it made me feel. Why do you consider my venting about what happened to me, as dwelling on my past?

It's more healthy to discuss feelings than to repress them. It helps me to discuss feelings and I learn from other people who have had similar experiences. So it makes me feel less alone. Otherwise, I would never have joined PC as a member to talk to other people online about my life.

I did throw away their Christmas cards, but that doesn't mean I can just "forget" about what they each did to me. I think it's normal to take time to bounce back when something in your present, triggers your past.

It gave me an opportunity to speak up for myself with my cousin #1 and my sister, to reset boundaries. Resetting boundaries with toxic people is a good thing. I'm glad I got to do that. I will always be the scapegoat and doormat in my family, but that doesn't mean I can't change myself. Setting boundaries (for me) is important, even when it's with people who don't respect me or care that I set boundaries. I'm putting myself first, for once.