So I can relate. I think it upsets us that our abuser rejects us because we were the victim, and it feels like the final injustice that they then get to walk away from us and all that they did to us.

My brother was a drug addict growing up. He was extremely violent towards me. Often hurting me and attacking my physically and threatening to kill me. At school he would hit me when he walked past me in the halls. When I was around 10 he tried to molest me, but I ran away. My parents, I know, saw some of this behavior, but never addressed it. They ignored it entirely. Even though they acknowledged his drug addiction and problem, they never acknowledged what he was doing to the rest of us or to me.

On top of that he was treated far superior to me by our grandparents and other family members and by our parents. Even with being the violent drug addict that he was.

Years later in his 20s, he finally cleaned up his act. At one point he had a girlfriend, and she asked him why he and I never speak. And he had the nerve to ask me why he and I aren't closer. I just stared at him. I was like, do you literally not remember threatening to kill me as a child? Beating me up? Bullying me?

Fast forward to 2015 and my father and I have a falling out. My brother then rejects me, siding with my father, and refuses to see or talk to me. My ABUSER rejected me!? I mean it's hilariously funny in a way because he can't reject me if I don't want a relationship with him in the first place. I mean, I'd actually have to care about what he thinks or want some sort of relationship with him to care about being rejected. Since I'd be perfectly happy never hearing his name again, I don't know why he thinks that rejecting me has any kind of effect. Like withholding a relationship from me when we have no relationship is actually going to do anything. Pulease!

But the truth is that it does irk me a little bit because I have this thing in my head also saying "who the **** is HE to reject ME? He was the abuser; not me. He is the bad person, not me. He is the one who ruined lives and takes no responsibility for it."

So even though those thoughts happen occasionally, I just shake my head and remind myself that I don't want any kind of relationship with that horrible person and he can fool himself into thinking he is rejecting me but the truth is he never had a relationship with me in the first place. And he may think he is getting back at me or hurting me or getting that final jab of abuse in to me by doing this, but the reality is, I'm an adult, and I don't give a **** about him or what he thinks. So let him think he's rejecting me. I guarantee some day he will reach out and my response will be, um, who the hell are you?

If you reach out to put him in his place, he wins. Because he wants to string you along for more abuse. It's rewarding to him to get a rise out of you. The best revenge is no response. If you contact him to ***** at him, then he knows he still has some control over you and can get a rise out of you, which he enjoys.

Don't give in.

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