golden_eye,

You loved a man that suffers from alcohol addiction. He can't handle his own emotional challenges let alone yours. Plus, he is addicted to the alcohol which some people simply can't overcome. A lot of people literally can't find their way to stop drinking even when they go someplace to dry out and suffer through all the horrible withdrawals. Often it isn't so much living without the alcohol in the system as much as it is living life "sober" and slowly feeling and just figuring out how to live one day to the next without the crutch of the alcohol.

I married a man who I found out suffered from binge alcoholism. I did not understand what binge alcoholism is either. Actually, my own father was a binge alcoholic so to me that binging was "normal". I have learned the hard way golden_eye that this disease takes something from the person who suffers from it and they will lie and cheat and it's really living your life with a partner that has two identities. I have been married for 37 years and I have also been married to that disease all this time, active or sober, it's always THERE. I have to say that for me, the man with the two different personalities has always been there too. Even though my husband has been sober now for 26 years, he is still living with this disease and he lives his life one day at a time and still goes to a meeting just about every night. I have to say I HAVE BEEN A LONELY PERSON in my relationship in that it's always been this ongoing challenge living with a person that I am now certain will always have these two personalities that I call Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde.

I know that my husband will NEVER really understand how MY FEELINGS have been deeply affected by his problem with this disease. I might as well admit that this disease has contributed to how I suffer from emotional abuse and neglect.

You say you are obsessed, but don't be, not with this challenge. No matter HOW MUCH you want him to understand how much his disease has hurt you, HE JUST WONT. Half the time, they don't even remember what they did or said that hurt you so much. And if they do get sober and stay sober, that becomes what their life revolves around.

Honestly golden_eye, LET HIM GO and stop wasting your time because I can tell you, HE WON'T HEAR YOU.