That sounds smart; writing lists of things. When you miss the good things, just remember bad things. And it’s probably not him you are missing, but love words and affection and all other romantic things.

You can’t poseibly miss HIM because like you say the way he portrayed himself from a distance with all his lovey-dovey stuff weren’t even real because face to face he was somebody totally different: real him. Talk is cheap.

There are ton of good men out there who'd be real with you. And honestly not to sign m mercantile but no need to take on men who don’t have their act together, can’t support themselves. Just give yourself time to process and reflect on what exactly happened. Good job on making steps in healing