Hi I'm new here. I dont really consider myself a "caregiver" as my husband is quite capable of taking care of himself in the traditional sense. But I am the spouse of a depressed mate.

We have been dealing with this for the past 18 years. Therapy, meds, problems galore. He however, has had depression and social issues since his pre-teen years.

Most recently my husband has come to the conclusion that he doesn't need medication anymore. And ony periodic therapy to "touch base". He has also decided that I am the source of all of his problems. Including his alienation from his dysfunctional/alcoholic family.

From years of counseling, both individual and couples, I have learned the basis of detaching. I have learned about boundaries. I have learned to not be co-dependant. Yadda yadda yadda.

What I am having emense trouble with is the latest blame game that is going on. It is hurting me so deeply. I actually feel betrayed.

Has anyone else found a way around this? How do you cope when they project the blame? I know what he is saying is untrue. But it is affecting me so severely all Im doing is crying lately. I feel like my life is completely out of control.

When I expressed this to my counselor he was of no help. He said "you know what to do with this"...in other words, detach and put in perspective. But this time it is so difficult. I think it is because I know I have been the only constant in his adult life. His friend, lover, support, confidant, helper. I feel so betrayed.

The counselor also reminded me that this is very controlling nature on his part. That he is putting us back into an "adolescent/parent" dynamic. He explained it that my husband is acting like an adolescent teen who wants independence yet at the same time resents their intrinsic need for the parent (me). Thus projecting blame to ease his need to take responsibility for his behaviors.

Even with this understanding, I am feeling so lost in this. My frustration level is growing to levels that I am myself lashing out in anger. The counselor of course reminded me how this is non productive and doesn't ge tthe results I desire. Which of course I know, but at the same time doing nothing makes me feel like such a doormat.

Sigh.

Why is this getting to me like this?