I am sorry you are so down and shaken. It can be very dark and lonely in our life some times. I also know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have also suffered from depression and panic/anxiety disorders. It seems like when I work through one issue, another would pop up. One of my lowest points was when I got so afraid I could no longer go out. I stayed home for a year. I was too afraid to leave the house. They something changed, I got angry at my disorders; I resented these issues controlling my life. I began to fight back; I refused to be a victim ever again. I did a lot of the therapy, meds, and spiritual work. Examples of this is: meditation, biofeedback, music therapy, art therapy. I picked myself up and never looked back. It may seem bad now, but I believe you can get through this.