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I did fall in love with an illusion. An illusion of a person who was not real. It was traumatic to realize this and come down to reality. Those feelings are wearing off now that I am seeing it all and am accepting it all now -- what really happened.
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I am glad you are recognizing this, it's painful to finally accept, it was for my friend and it took her several months to work through the "loss" of the illusion she so wanted to believe to be true. She expressed the same kind of anger you have been expressing in this thread.
