More silence/lack of a response. It happens daily. Am I just hyperaware of this? I feel like an idiot, like, who does this? I'm an alien.

I have plenty of practice tolerating this, and now with you. I would think that I would have been desensitized already due to the frequency of awkward moments that happen at work. It hasn't gone away. And then. . .the anger. I feel like isolating myself because that feels powerful to me. I like being in control of myself.

Is there another way to tackle this problem that doesn't shake me to the core like your silence? I like myself best when I stay hidden. I have a lot of difficulty trusting people. I think I trust you, though. Not sure if you've noticed, but I tend to assign a positive meaning to things you do, if this makes sense. It just happens, it is just a part of me.

I am experiencing anger at work. I was thinking about it this morning and I actually FELT angry. When you told me that I had said that I didn't know if I was really angry or I just thought I was. You said that didn't make sense? But it does make complete sense. During my depersonalization/derealization episode when I was questioning everything I thought/felt. I didn't have access to feel my anger, but I remembered thinking I was angry intellectually. This happens more than I would like it to happen. I make sense. It is difficult to explain what it is like to not remember feeling an emotion. It just happens.