I also have recognized something through this process.

I have never been fully appreciated or recognized by a lover before for all that I am. With my ex fiance, he saw who I am in full, and he appreciated that. He used to tell me how amazing and incredible I am. I had never had that before in my entire life, even up until the age of 47. Sure, I've had men love me and men have been "in love" with me before, but never had I felt anyone really "see" me in full and appreciate me in full. He did. And that is something that I valued so very much.

Yes, I know he took advantage of me, lied to me and all the rest. He is not a decent man. We don't need to rehash all of that and why he sucks.

All I need right now is the acknowledgement that when someone you love tells you how amazing you are, that that is hard to forget and let go of, especially when it's the first time in your life.

He is the only man that I have been involved with who has ever said this to me. He saw and knew everything about me. He saw how I am with people on the other forum. He supported and praised my happiness blog. He said I was the most amazing woman he's ever met. Maybe that was all a lie too, though. Again I do not know for certain whether he truly cheated on me emotionally. Only suspicions.

I am probably going to get reamed for this now. I don't need the harsh dose of reality, like I said. I know the reality. He is a mixed up, upside down person. He is unhealthy and toxic. But there was a time between our initial and final breakup where I had never felt more loved in my entire life. And all the way leading up to us living together, too. Maybe that was all a part of his manipulation, but I don't think so.