I don't think too many women would want this guy. So you probably don't face much competition for his attention - what little he offers to anyone. Maybe that makes you feel more secure, in that he's probably not likely to hook up with someone else. If he does wander, it probably won't be for long. His requirement to see a woman seems to be that she expect next to nothing from him.

Beware of setting up "false equivalencies" - as in: you're both "dysfunctional." That sounds like he and you each have your faults, and you tolerate each other, so isn't that a case of mutual give and take? I think that's you trying to put a good face on things. It sounds a lot less balanced to me than that. Dysfunctional is this vague, fuzzy abstract word that can mean who knows what. I have no idea what anyone means when they describe someone as dysfunctional. I can describe anyone I know well with just the words I knew when I was ten years old: kind, cruel, generous, cheap, mean, nice, honest, sneaky. Watch out for those cerebral concepts we use when we are over-intellectualizing what we are talking about. You've described him as being a stingy cheapskate. That's not dysfunctional. If a person wants to hold on to his money, being a selfish miser can be a highly functional way of acheiving that. Stick to plain talk and avoid the psych-babble. You'll be less confused.

You are warm and giving. You want to love someone. He is cold and greedy. He wants an occasional screw. I see no equivalency there. I'll bet he has never introduced you to anyone as his "girlfriend." I'll bet he does not think of himself as your "boyfriend." Your a woman he has sex with now and then. And he'll eat food you cook, now and then. (But he makes you pay for anything you consume when you're with him.) That's not a boyfriend. That's not even a "friend with benefits." That's not a friend.

You want so bad to give your heart to someone. You are generous and forgiving enough to see the humanity in just about anyone. So this guy has filled a void and has become "The Man I Love." But there is nothing about him that you love. But he is The Man In Your Life. And that seems important for I know not what reason why. He's bossy and that is something you respond to. He kind of assumes authority in some weird way, and that seems manly, maybe - IDK.

This thread mentions two men. What you do about one doesn't have to determine what you do about the other. You are single and free. Date both, if you feel like it. If someone offers you friendship and he's nice, take that friendship. You could use a friend.