The thing is, we love each other. We have this intense bond after going through SO much together. A lot of times i think of it as a strength that we're still together after so many miles and trials. We are both intense people in very different ways. Or is this just an unhealthy attachment to what i want the relationship to be/what it was early on?
We are so very dysfunctional. Has anyone on here actually worked through a dysfunctional relationship and salvaged things? It's easy to convey all the problems, but harder to convey what has kept us together.
Tonight he came home after being gone a week. We'd been fighting pretty bad before he left, i was cold and unaffectionate when he came back, he was distant and aggravated but offended i wasn't excited to see him. I tried to explain how my feelings have been burning out after all these fights and i just don't feel close to him anymore (harsh homecoming i know). Now i feel awful for hurting him because he says he never stops feeling like we are partners. He is really angry. I'm not trying to hurt him just trying to explain why i don't feel close. Doors slammed, yelling, sleeping apart.
Is it unhealthy for me to still be mad over a fight we had a week ago? I stay upset for so long. He says i lack ability to "move on" and forgive. I feel i never got the resolution i needed. This happens all the time. Yelled/grumbled/texted 2-word apologies don't feel sincere.
I guess i'm wondering if it's normal to be SO attached to such a broken relationship. Or if the love deep down in there is worth fighting for.
Also we are becoming more financially intertwined as we start our farm together and his parents are wanting to help (so far i have financed most of it) and this makes me extremely nervous. I feel like i need to make a decision very soon before it gets complicated. And both options seem terrible.
Random side note: is nagging an adult to brush his teeth (he often skips) reasonable, normal nagging? Or am i overstepping.
Also he says viciously mean things when he's mad which he says are a response to my constant nagging. He later says he "obviously" didn't mean them but i can't un-feel them. Could a more normal balanced confident person just accept the things weren't meant and roll on?
That was a bit of a jumble but input on any of it helps.
Thanks