Thanks.

Don't know if it will help but this sounds a lot like my experience. What I now think is that I had dissociated from the disappointment, sadness, and loneliness I felt as a child in my family of origin. And in some sense I (or a part of me I didn't cognitively know about, didn't "feel") lived in a fantasy land, where only positive feelings about family members existed, only good things happened. That's not reality, it made my life in my family OK, but I had problems in adulthood. No surprise. Thing is, years and years of therapy didn't help.

Except that, in some sense the rejection by my last therapist triggered those old feelings and, eventually, I lucked out and recollected those feelings in association with thinking about a family member whom I mostly (consciously) loved and had looked up to. And fully feeling that awful, horrible, intolerable, feeling -- 12 months later, 18 months since my last therapy ended, maybe I'm doing better? It's very strange.

Good luck to you! If I'm correct, then there may be a lot of us with a similar issue that therapy doesn't "know" about yet. Or doesn't tell us about. Please let us know how things go.