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Originally Posted by here today
Thanks.
Don't know if it will help but this sounds a lot like my experience. What I now think is that I had dissociated from the disappointment, sadness, and loneliness I felt as a child in my family of origin. And in some sense I (or a part of me I didn't cognitively know about, didn't "feel") lived in a fantasy land, where only positive feelings about family members existed, only good things happened. That's not reality, it made my life in my family OK, but I had problems in adulthood. No surprise. Thing is, years and years of therapy didn't help.
Except that, in some sense the rejection by my last therapist triggered those old feelings and, eventually, I lucked out and recollected those feelings in association with thinking about a family member whom I mostly (consciously) loved and had looked up to. And fully feeling that awful, horrible, intolerable, feeling -- 12 months later, 18 months since my last therapy ended, maybe I'm doing better? It's very strange.
Good luck to you! If I'm correct, then there may be a lot of us with a similar issue that therapy doesn't "know" about yet. Or doesn't tell us about. Please let us know how things go.
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Your story sounds so much like mine. I think you have better knowledge of it than my T did. Then again we live our story so that’s our priority where their prior priorities lie elsewhere. We go to them seeking help not knowing where to start or what’s going on. Then we just have this cause and effect issjethag we are trying to understand. When Ts don’t pick up on that the. We are stuck deciphering that ourselves.
However that’s impressive. I think I learned more about myself through your post than through my T in 5 years. I dissociated and also lived in my own fantasy land and I still do sad to say. It’s not always perfect but I have total control in that world and I have full control of people attitudes towards me. It’s complicated but I think you understand. My issue is that I speak to not one person in my family. They all turned against me when I told them the truth about what was going throughout my childhood. They First challenged me and called me a liar and then they turned totally against me. I don’t have that one person in any area of my life. My selective venting with my T was my only outlet. Who else will sit there and listen to me unless I paid for it? It was my only sanity. Now that I don’t have that outlet I’m having issues. Soemetkmes she seemed interested in a way and other times she was distracted and I was upset but overall I spoke more about present issues than past. We will see what happens next.