It can be about sex not control, (I believe) so that when two people are in the act and the excitement has built to such an extent that when one person says no it becomes about wanting the sex, it may feel like control however it is really only about gratification of sexual need.

If an alchaholic breaks into a liquor store it isnt about the need to burgle its about the need for alchahol.

Having said all that my belief is that sexual preditors who go out with the express intent to rape often find that the element of control adds to the sexual act.

(sorry spelling is not good)