My husband and I are basically in you and your wife's shoes, too. I think a lot of it is age, my husband is having a hard time with getting older. We have been married for 31 years, so when I saw your post, I had to answer you. My husband has hurt me also, and all I really need is for him to talk to me, and tell me all is o.k., we are going to be o.k. Men don't talk to us! We need lots of hugs and support, rub her back, tell her no one else in the whole world means what she does to you. Talk to her and tell her your really deepest feelings. That is what we need, and usually don't get from our husbands! We had a party at our house, my husband was holding hands and dancing with a woman a lot younger, which he had never done in 31 years of marriage. I questioned him the next day to see if anything was going on with them as many signs pointed to that. He blew up in terrible anger, and it went on from there. It is so hard to regain trust, and although there was nothing physical, I know he had the thoughts. There were too many signs that I ignored because I was so happy with him, and just never thought about this. We had family troubles, too, with my side of the family, and now his parents are both gone a long time, and my parents are in failing health. I guess we all have our struggles, and I am doing my best to overcome this thing, too. The sad thing is, that once the trust is damaged, I think we have a long repair time ahead. Just thought maybe this would help you. Good Luck!!