I told my T I was gaining sympathy & appreciation for her, and asked her how she is able to be so available all the time. I liked her response. It's something she's said before back when she used to be my professor (about four years ago or so), but it has new meaning for me now. I thought everyone here would appreciate it to, so I'll share it:

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So...., you are beginning your career-long struggle with boundary issues, eh?! Yikes! Well, get used to it. This one never really goes away, and every professional resolves it differently, depending on their own values, temperament, and personal life situation. My own approach is to be as up-front and honest as possible, framing the situation as my issue rather than theirs. (Because my reactions are indeed my issue). Remember that paraphrase I once shared with you? I never forgot it, and it has guided me through all these years. It was written by a client, who was referring to being called "needy." She said, "Everyone needs what they need, and if you can't meet those needs, then tell them the g*dd*mn truth." (instead of blaming them, that is).

So I just tell people what needs I can meet, and what ones I can't, and why. That says nothing about their needs -- right or wrong, good or bad, too much or too little. People need what they need, and I don't think it's fair to judge them for that. Nor do I think it's fair to hide behind a professional role, and pretend that we are totally calm and capable at all times. We have as much or more need for downtime and self-care as everyone else.

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I love my T. She is so amazing! She's so good at finding the balance between sincere compassion... and good self-care. One good thing I definitely have in my favor is that by the time I start my career, I will have worked for years in my own therapy with this woman as my role model. I appreciate and agree with her values. Sometimes I wish she was my clinical supervisor at work, too, because she helps me figure out how to think about things in such a way that it helps me find my balance.

I am going to work on remembering and implementing her words here when it comes to dealing with all the challenges of my work(including having no place to retreat to!). And in dealing with her, too. I'm starting to see T more as a fellow human being, instead of an object there to keep feeding my hunger, and soothing my pain.