Sorry for posting about myself too much, Im simply in hell and cant get out.
My doc hurt me and now I have lost all my motivations, all my intereses, all my hopes to get over my depression.
I dont know what to do, I know it sounds crazy but his hugs and attension was the only things that helped me to do something.
Now I feel as sick as before hospital, my doc is away but I will see another, I hope so.
I feel so miserable so I started to take drugs to not be that miserable because all I do is lying in my bed, all my things are on the ground, I dont want anything, dont want to live, dont want to die, dont want to take drugs but I have no choice, dont want to go inpatient again but dont believe there is another way out. Im thinking about selfharm but not doing this yet because I dont want to. I dont want to drink but I do because pain is killing me.
I cant be happy for good things in my life, Im taking 7 meds but it seems it doesnt work.
My doc blocked my number, maybe he reads it. I cant even press myself to go to therapy, I feel destroyed.
I dont know how to get out of this alive. I know that taking meds with drugs can be dangerours but I feel dead also now, what can I lose.. I want to be normal person who is able to do something except crying and sleeping.
I hate myself for being like this but it seems that being inpatient again is the only choice to help myself.