Yes,thanks for your contribution Dechan,it is true I feel bad for saying No to that creep as if I owe it to him not to reject him but who is to say what his real motives were and if I would have been used....I feel terrible that I thought of his feelings first before mine..

When I was younger and better looking I got a lot of attention that was as you say sexist and it was awful..I felt like an object..I was hated by some women for being pretty to the extent that a complete stranger said if she saw me on the street she would stick a knife in me..I was serving behind a counter in a shop at the time...also back then some men thought you were asking for sex if you just spoke said hello and were friendly.It was hard to connect with women cos they were jealous and men cos they were purely interested in sex.Men frightened me for this reason and I was insecure sexually myself too...I had only experienced angry men in my past and of course when I turned down their advances these men got angry.

Now days it seems I am carrying this guilt of saying No,cos it makes people angry.That is massive cos as women we are taught that No is where our power lies.I should say No when I want to and not feel obliged to deliver whatever goods some creep asks of me.I can't believe how I felt guilty protecting my own space.

I must say though this is not a typical experience for me I have met some wonderful,kind friendly people on my way around,who smile say hello offer compliments without having an agenda and offer help like opening doors etc

I need to make more effort to meet people that may become friends and I have been reluctant to do so because as I say it triggers my PTSD symptoms...hopefully I will b informed by the CBT people about one to one therapy soon.