Sorry to hear you're not doing well.

I've seen people on this forum suggest to hold ice in your hand and squeeze it hard whenever you feel like self harming. The cold causes some pain, but doesn't leave permanent marks or anything. Could you try that? (Not that I want you in pain, but it's a way to combat/quell the urges.) Though if it's about the physical act of doing it and you can't resist, try getting a red marker and use that to make marks instead.

Hang in there! Go to inpatient if you need to. Your life and your wellness are more important than anything.