That's quite a history your parents came through. Your life has been affected by things that happened in Europe way back. I think we are all the products of family stories that reflect larger historical contexts. I'm not surprised that you paid attention and became aware of hard things your folks endured. Baggage gets passed down through generations like a legacy. I think it's good to try and understand how people are shaped. I've read that there is a French proverb: "To know all is to forgive all." That doesn't mean, BTW, that all should be tolerated. Wisdom, I think, is to reject bad behavior, without needing to hate the person doing the behavior.

I don't know what made this guy you've been seeing the warped person he's become. I'm sure there's a long story there, but you needn't devote your life to analyzing his "dysfunctionality." That's kind of his problem. He sounds like a bitter guy. You aren't a bitter person . . . I think because you try to understand. You don't need to be the dumping ground for other people's bitterness. He keeps drinking the poisonous part of his legacy. Let him keep company with a kindred spirit. You won't change him. His presence in your life just infects your life with his pathology. Walk away. You're not the same.

I'm glad you left early last night. You will never please him, as you say. He can't be pleased. That's the way he wants it. It may be that addictions are symptoms of whatever poisoned him, not the cause. But those addictions are his way of reliving the toxicity he probably grew up with. He has zero interest in being any little bit different. You can make a different choice. I don't believe he offered you affection. It's just that, when you are lonely, a warm body feels warm.

Loneliness has to be endured, sometimes, to get where you need to go. Refusal to put up with being alone gets more people in more trouble than just about anything else. It's normal to not like being alone. It's not normal to pay any price to avoid it. That's how you get cheated.

Slow down. Stop jumping with both feet into commitments to men before you know who they are. Knowing people takes time. Slow down.