I just come back from T where I talked about something I had no idea I was even going to talk about, felt i had no issue as such....ppfftt guess I have to think again on that!....My issue was I use to emotionally stalk people...I'd take OD's only so I could get symphapy.....Ii mean man, I was an hostage taker emotionally....I can't tell you the wastied yrs I've spent doing this....someone showing me an ounce of sympahpy and I was stuck to them then....I just brought up to T how much better I am in this area now...have a friend at work that I talk too and leave it there...dont carry her around in my head 24/7.....can go to tea at work and if she doesn't get to have tea at the same time as me...thats ok....then T said that you must also feel disappointed?...%#@&#! her!.....I was trying to tell her how much better it is for me now with people and she had to throw that in....I told her yes I'm not saying I don't feel other ffeelings...but there not all Ifeel now...I can be happy on my own too....then I felt and still feel this anger in me...I told T that she doesn't know the pain I've l ived through by laching on to people tyring ot get something from them which is mostly in my head...then T said but it couldnt have been all bad?...bollocks it was....so I'd get a feeling of being cared about for a short while but it was always short lived...just like the drug to the addict and I AM do so much better now and I told T she isn't going to take that away from me....I may not be able to do relationships perfect...do intimacy perfect...I may have to retreat at times but if thats what I have to do to keep going forward then I'm going to do it my way...T said why would I want to take anything from you?...ok through my anger and tears driving home I know i've touched on a raw nerve here or why else my reaction to it...but I know whatever this is must be a very core issue for me because I feel very threatened!....I feel T has told me that I am no further on then I was when I was at my worse...I must be....I mean I dont even want to do this old behaviour...well least ways I have more control over it now...I can feel when I'm about to become the stalker monster and talk myself out of it....%#@&#! it! I feel this anger and defensiveness stuck right in my chest....I am so fed up with T being perfect..being able to know what I'm defending before I do....I told her I have to get out of here now! which was fortunate as time was up and now i;m stuck knowing that something is being pulled of me and I feel full of shame and fear and ggrr...I am better....