I used to do standup comedy for 2 years pro. (yea i know a depressed comic. whoda thunk it?) But I went through the same emotions just before getting up on stage. was I good enough, would they laugh BECAUSE i was funny? not because i was pitiful? I think in order to speak/perform in front of an audience, theres a nervous factor. every now and again i do a set. and i throw up just before performing. sorry for the graphic.....I think with all of us being survivors of abuse will ALWAYS question ourselves. you need to just realize its YOU wanting to do a GOOD JOB....And it sounds like you DO do a good job. IMHO you need to give yourself a break. dont you? yes maybe some issues are deep rooted. maybe in all of us we have the same thing going on. but if you DIDNT care how you sounded, maybe then you wouldnt be doing so well. makes us try harder. Make any sense. Sorry for the novel. just my opinion. and i hope it helps.

You are not WEAK. you are not WEAK you are not WEAK. you are human and you were hurt. Nothing more.

Be good to yourself and try to have a better day

Colleen