Before I knew that I had a dissociative disorder or any mental illness for that part, I struggled to persevere. (Got that word from "The Outlaw Josey Wales" movie. The books are totally different from the movie.) During college I now know that I was switching personalities periodically. I now have some memories of some of the times that I switched. Back in those days I just considered myself to be a social nerd. That is how I rationalized my failed social life. I had no close male friends and my relationships with women never seemed to work out. I got two Bachelor Degrees and during that time made no close or bonding relationships.

I now know that it is because I was switching personalities. People just think you are a flake, an asshole, etc. But they never discuss these issues with you so you could find out that you are doing and saying things that you do not remember!

My life did not totally go down the tubes until I realized that I had multiple personality disorder and could not find a mental health professional to help me. I was trying to work and find help at the same time. I also had to deal with the crazy family members who traumatized me enough to cause the mental illness. I loved them so I could not shut them out of my life. My Mom had no one else to call her. I just eventually cracked up.